Brightonian life, how I left everything.

About six months ago, I moved to England. It was my very first trip alone, also the first time living entirely alone in another country. I never really thought of England before, but as it came, I just left France and went there in Brighton, without knowing anything about it. Blind-fooled but intrigued, I had no idea of what would happen there. I decided to take an English course, as I wanted to improve it and challenge myself everyday.

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My journey started on the 9th of April. From Paris to London by train, a very small suitcase and my Eastpack, I was ready to leave. I lived in an international residence with people from all around the world, shared my room with roommates and I must say if at first I was fearful meeting them, I learned to know them as they became the most amazing mates and friends. With them, I was able to go anywhere and to live the true Brightonian life, somehow between the beaches to the nightclubs… it was definitely more than just sharing a room or a bottle, it was the purest feeling, it was –they call itfriendship.

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Royal Pavillon aka the place to visit, which i never visited bc i’m a true anti-system rebellious…. nah juste kidding, i just rather write poetry on the beach.

The first thing that got there me are the beaches. Brighton is surrounded by the sea, making it a city of wind, seagulls and pebbles. I spent hours and hours, mostly during night time, sitting alone writing poetry listening to white noises. Nothing was more peaceful than the soft blow of the wind on the slow-motion waves of the sea.

I was able to think, create, and most importantly, express.

 

 

IMG_2494It is also a city of tourism, mainly for the well-known Brighton Pier, but to be fair I didn’t spend much time there, I might went about two or three times, but it is definitely not the kind of place I would recommend. Just as crowded but way more interesting for its small streets are the Laines for the shops, cafes, art, gigs… Brighton has a pretty strong relationship with art, and it is actually nearly impossible to meet someone who’s not in a band or at least, playing an instrument, painting, drawing, or writing… they are just so many gigs, local bands and artists, it is simply impossible not to be inspired.

 

 

 

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I can’t say how many bottles of this I drank with Fernanda, my Chilean mate. She told me the deeper was the hole under the bottle it was, the better the wine was… honestly, even if it was bad the memories i had with her were special enough for me to forget the taste of it. We used to drink every monday night, saying it was to make the week shorter…

 

 

I believe music makes the soul of Brighton, the purest part of its soul.

 

 

 

 

As I lived in England, I had to meet the locals. It wasn’t too frighting for once, Brightonian people are naturally kind. I noticed they were a lot of people from all around the world that makes Brighton a city of multiculturalism, you can find almost anything from anywhere, speak any language, eat any food from any country and still be in Brighton… it’s truly fascinating. There’s a real sense of belonging, whoever you are, wherever you are in Brighton, you’ll always feel safe and welcomed.

Finally, there’s so much more to say about this city but I don’t have the right words to qualify how insane this part of my life was. I literally walked into a tourism office, asked for a ticket for a random city I didn’t know about, and left. It’s a lifetime experience, and I can’t say how grateful I am sometimes listening to my insane brain.

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I’ll see you later, Brighton.

The outside world of Vietnam

As a child, I grew up in France. France is my home land, I was born there, I went to school there, I have my friends there, everything. Born and raised here, made in France and all… Though, a piece of my life’s puzzle was missing. 

I recently turned 18 y.o., it is the chance for me to leave and build my own life, my own person. My first choice was obviously Vietnam, land of my ancestors. I used to spend my summers in Vietnam, with my family.

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When I landed from the plane, walked into the airport, I felt this warm weather hitting my bones again, the glaring light of the sun on my skin, and it felt so great to be back home. Vietnamese was the first language I was taught, hearing all the voices harmonizing in this language around me again sounded like a blessing.

I couldn’t be more grateful of life right now, being back here after years is such a chance. Being able to meet the sea, this sand, these roads again gave me life. As a child of both nations, people often ask me which side is the most important to me, or to which one I belong the most and I cannot really give an answer to that, to be fair. All I can say is that Vietnam is definitely the most likely to be my safe place, where I really feel myself. It always been the comforting place.

Coming back to Vietnam after 4 years was a big change and chance in my life. Things seem to be different after a while, and it’s the case somehow, in Vietnam. Nowadays, there’s more and more big towers, more shopping centers, more of European lifestyle… but deeply, Vietnam didn’t change much. It still the same old place where I adore to get lost, with wavering roads, the mix between tradition and modernity, blessed by the sun and warmth every single day.

I wanted to share more pictures on my blog, but unfortunately my SD card died in the process, causing lost of most of my files. Here are the only few pictures I was able to save, some of them are from my iPhone also. 

I’ll see you later, Vietnam.

 

Dear voices

Dear voices what are you saying
I cannot understand a single thing
you always try to kill my silence
bringing to me so much more violence

voices talking in my head
they won’t stop til i’m dead
they tell me to join them
they want me to forget my name

i only wish to be sane
for once left alone
i’m not the one to blame
i will no longer moan
when love hits
i’m done
with this shit
i’m gone
forever

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whispers
coming back slowly but surely
i’m dying it cannot be
one day without them
i don’t understand
why
i tried to die
yet i’m still alive

why don’t you shut the fuck up
in my head they are stuck
they want me to be lustful
but i already sold my soul
in the devil only i trust
shut up keep them quiet
for him i will give up
for if when they have left
my last breath and cigarette
I beg for mercy
equilibrium and sanity
lord, save me.

A blue man

he was insane and out of control
was so deeply in love with a fool
should’ve said before not to trust
those deep ocean eyes, ocean of lies
a man with lust
a man who could only love his own face
guitar and hands
from his songs my lips erase his words
i even forgot his chords

 

 

My blue man is a player
He plays the guitar late
My blue man is a sinner
He only knows how to hate

 

 

he gave to my poor broke body
my aching soul just a cigarette
to smoke down all the regrets
i cannot forget the lovely
face of this one, a man
who could kill with his eyes
but share love with his hands
and solace my old cries
he’s no longer by my side

he wrote a song about us
a song that makes no sound
it’s turning me to dust
i’m dying on the ground
he promised me the universe
i trusted him with all my heart
i wrote down on that tree
his name and mine
forever will be
remain one and free

Aconites’ Daughter

Flowers in my head have taken under control
what was left to be sane
Flowers growing up invading
the space made me a living garden
My blood a poison you’d die for
Why are you even begging for more?
Innocent souls have died before
This love is going hardcore
I’m not responsible for you to unearth my grave
This love is making you slave
Your heartstrings they blossom
Tie you down, i’m not the one
take me back, me and my body
we’re nothing, we’re nobody

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Bury me alive
Bury me tonight
My corpse remains so cold
Crying tears of gold
Let me die
Let me fade

Let me cry
Let me safe
Far from you…

 

Like a sunflower in the morning
I’ll look at you
In the evening like a mourning
I’ll turn your real love blue
Haven’t you understand yet
I’m a needy and lethal flower
You’ll love me and won’t ever forget
A sign in your heart it occurs
I wrote it down already and i know
This love is wrong
But you are strong
Light the way it shows
You to leave me lonely
My poison is deadly
Leave me

Not yours

bottleBehind closed doors, underneath the waves
waiting on those beaches for another date
i will no longer make you wait
dear friend, you are insane
so much rage in your hands
i cannot cope, cannot understand
let me leave, i’m dizzy my head
hurts so much after what you said

your voice still screaming my name
but i’m so done playing your game
i am gone
i am done

I’m not a toy, not your doll bottle
you tried so many times to steal my soul
but i’m not yours, i don’t belong to anymore
i won’t look back when i’ll hear you cry
i’m better on my own, i am fine
stop putting me high up in the sky
my body, blood, skin are only mine
i’m only human
will you ever understand

your voice still screaming my name
but i’m so done playing your game
i am gone
i am done

Tragic Trigger

Tragic trigger, the one and onlyempty
Tragic trigger, my love I’m so sorry
Tragic trigger, just let me be me

I tried so hard to get ride of them demons
When I scream the only thing I can hear
Are my scariest nightmares and fears
I have no more pills tonight
But it’s gotta be alright
I’m in control
I found it cruel
At first
But got used to it
At last
I lost my soul
Such a blast
Going on inside.

empty

 

 

Tragic trigger, the one and only
Tragic trigger, my love I’m so sorry
Tragic trigger, just let me be me

My bottle is still full and I’m the one empty
I wish I had never came
Now I know my shame
I even lost my name
I know it’s never been easy
I keep fighting the good fight
I’m the one who’ll come back alive
My ghosts like smoke in the air
My life has never been fair
I’m the only one left to care
Please don’t make me beg you
To stay
I would kneel and pray
For you if you’d say
You’re not okay.