Loneliness

Truth is I’ve never been so lonely. Even that time at the hospital, when I had only my eyes to cry and minutes were hours, I had company. Now i’m just sitting in my flat, laying on the floor thinking about what we would have become. It’s all over now. Counting cigarettes left, smoking inside because outside rhymes with danger somehow, I don’t have that kind of pills to cope with my demons anymore, I can only count on my good old brain not to turn insane again.

Death is calling me, but I ain’t listening.
Lord please, have mercy on me
Lord, purify me from all my sins.

My body doesn’t even hurt anymore, how could I make sure I’m still alive? I know it, we all do, so I cut my skin and let it bleed, red and alive, my blood runs like a river from my heart to the ground, let it be. Crazy how things change so quickly, how life goes everyday and night and it’s still a nightmare even when your eyes are wide open. I miss the good old times, it seems to be so long ago.

Please, come back.